IMPRESSIVE TOMMY-SON!!!!!

Well, when i started way back when, over 160 posts ao, noone thought this blo would go anywhere. But here is a list of the people Ive interviewed as of today.
(Organized from oldest to newest).

John R. Dilworth, Director/Producer, Creator of cartoon "Courage the Cowardly Dog"
Claudia Gonson, Multi-Instrumentalist, Vocalist, The Magnetic Fields
Greg Fitzsimmons, Comedian, VH1 Panelist
Kevin John, AKA Bonez, Reality Show Contestant, Comedian
Paul Scheer, Comedian, Actor, MTV's "Human Giant"
Chrissie Amphlett, Vocalist, Australian Rock Band The Divinyls
Brian Moore, Democratic Socialist, 2008 Presidential Candidate
Cassandra Whitehead, Model, Reality Show Contestant, "America's Next Top Model"
Naima Mora, Model/Singer, Reality Show Contestant, "America's Next Top Model" (Winner)
Ryan Malgarini and Austin Rogers, aka InsertHear, Tween Comedy Team
Ryan Heller, Vocalist, Boston rock band "Aberdeen City"
Joe Bobb Briggs, Famed Movie Critic
Jon Barthmus, Lead Singer of Indie Rock Band The A-Sides
One of The Guys From STL Band "The Feed"

Suck it Hollywood.

The Tommy Blogg Talkbox Interviews: Famed Movie Critic Joe Bob Briggs

When you hear "Film critic", the first thing that pops into your head is dignified constructive criticism, Siskel and Ebert, Classy stuff right?
THINK AGAIN.
Today I got an interview with one of the most blue-collar, backwoods humdrum hoodfellow, Famed movie critic Joe Bob Briggs. Here's what I extracted from Mr. Briggs.

Q: As a critic in all its forms, does that translate into your PERSONAL life?

A: Yep, I pretty much get up in the morning and start challenging everything, starting with the breakfast cereal. "You call that a Cheerio?"

Q: Let's play hardball. What IS THE BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR?

A: Iron Man.


Q: What do you consider your self in politics, Republican or Democrat?

A: Whoever's not in office. I like to pick on authority.

Q: Boxers of briefs?

A: Yes. I'm not kidding, there's something called a Boxer Brief. I'll wear those. I will NOT wear the new Tight Baggy jeans.

Q: Paper or plastic?

A: Plastic, like God intended.

Q:Where do you see your self in 10 years?

A: Reflecting on my life and saying, "How can one man download that much porn?"

Q: What are your super powers?

A: I can send psychic energy into the ozone that will constantly distort Hillary Clinton's face, making her smile inappropriately as her eyes bug out.

Q: What is your weakness?

A: Girls in stiletto heels.

Q: If you were an animal, what would you be specifically?

A: Lion.

Q: What do you, an influential figuire, think you have to offer the world in general?

A: The three B's: Blood, Breasts and Beasts.

Q: Is there anything you have to say to my league of readers here on "The Tommy Blogg Talk Box"?

A: Don't whip it out unless you know who's behind you.

Q: I hope to get a follow-up with you and now consider you my friend? Do I reserve the right to call you a "famous friend" among the other celebritites who have been here on "TBTB"?

A: Absolutely. The drive-in will never die.

ENJOY>>>>>>

The Tommy Blogg Talkbox Interviews: Ryan Heller, Lead Singer of Boston Indie Rock Band Aberdeen City

There may be no better expression of greatness on the Boston indie scene than Aberdeen City, a four-man outfit who released the re-release of their smash first album "The Freezing Atlantic" in 2006 and are relesing their first new work since then SOON. We got an interview with him. Read It.


Q: Your band has made itself an institution in independent music. Do you like being a band with a wide fanbase, but less exposure?

A: It's been a while since we've toured so I feel like I've lost some perspective on who actually is listening to us-- but to answer the question, I just like that people heard the last album and I hope they hear the next one as well.

Q: When's the next EP, LP, or CD coming out, and wh should everyone that reads this blog buy it?

A: we've just finished recording it after almost a year of writing. i think we got pretty burnt out on the freezing atlantic touring because it came out twice and we spent almost two years playing those songs live, so it was great to take time off and write. but how we're burnt out on that. We're all hoping for a 2008 release for the LP but I think we're going to post some stuff on our site for free. Seems to be the thing to do these days and we'd like to see/hear some reactions.

Q: Who influences you as a writers/musicians the most?

A: Personally, I'm most influenced by the three other guys in this band. When we're writing, I don't really listen to very much music. I think it's because we have such a democratic songwriting process. We all write parts for each other and everything is fair game. Even with something as personal as lyrics, if Brad writes a line that the three of us don't like, it goes. I think that type and level of creative control influences my own creativity more than anything else because it's like a big long musical conversation that ends in a song. Does that sound jam-bandy to say? Whatever.

Q: What is your stance/stances on the war in Iraq?

A: I have friends that have been over there and that are there now--- so while I have my opinions, mostly I think I'm totally under-qualified to talk about it in a real way. I mean, I don't ask my military friends what indie rock I should be listening to.


Q: What are you/you guys' favorite food?

A; There are these burritos in Boston from a place called Annas Taqueria; It's last meal type shit.

Q: So after inspecting my blog, how awesome is it on a scale of 1-10 ( http://www.thetommyzone.blogspot.com )

A; I can say that on a scale of 1-10 you are 10x cooler than I was when I was 14.

Q: Do I reserve the riht to call you/ your band my newest on my list famous friends?

A; Absolutely. take it easy.

READ AGAIN>>>>

The Tommy Blogg Talkbox Interviews: InsertHear

InsertHear is a tween/teen comedy duo of Ryan Malgarini and Austin Rogers, two amazingly talented young actors, Ryan Malgarini being a young actor from Freaky Friday and How To Eat Fried Worms, and Austin Rogers as a rising star from How To Eat Fried Worms and Other films. Here Is both of there responses respectively to my inquisition.

Here's The Layout;

RM: Austin Rogers.
AR: Ryan Malgarini.

Q: You guys have both had pretty big success in tv and film work. Who are YOUR favorite actors and actresses?

RM: Austin Rogers.
AR: Ryan Malgarini.

Q: Do either of you attractive young stars have a relationship going? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Horse w/ Party Hat?

RM: I was at this party and the horse with a party hat was hitting up on me but I have a promise ring.
AR: I knocked up that same horse at that party.

Q: What do you guys plan to do next?

RM: Keep making more videos.
AR: Our 41 subscribers apparently want us to make more videos so we probably won't.

Q: Do you guys like hot dogs?

RM: This is America who doesn't?
AR: I love me some Dodger Dogs.

Q: Big buns?

RM: And I cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny.
AR: Is this meant to be in a sexual context?

Q: Who is your celeb crush/crushes?

RM: Jessica Alba.
AR: It's a tie between Kate Beckinsale in "Click", Punky Brewster at the age of 16, or Elizabeth Hurley in the 90's.

Q: What is your favorite music?

RM: Anything you can understand the words to.
AR: Bruce Springsteen, Dave Matthews Band, Jack Johnson, O.A.R, Johnny Cash, The Police, Against Me, John Butler Trio, Kill Hannah, Metro Station, Bob Marley, The Beatles, ZZ Top, Say Anything, Rage Against the Machine Sublime, Violent Femmes, Matt Costa, John Mayer, Howie Day, U2, Jason Mraz. Just to name a few.

Q: You guys put under favorite tv, among other things, Jerry SPringer Show. What is the weirdest JSS episode you could think of be?

RM: Austin getting together with that horse with a party hat.
AR: I swear it wasn't my baby.

These young men are GENIUS. Look after their HiJinx on their duo YouTube page;

http://www.youtube.com/inserthear

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Terrorist)

it's 9:11 in my time zone

The Tommy Corwin Experience

NOw when I get into conversation, I am asked about my favorite animal. Well just so I can avoid a little more of that, here is Tommy's top 10 favorite animals. Now I love all animals (excluding some snakes) but these are what I call my favorites conventionally (in no particular order).

10. Asian Elephant
9. Moustachioed Emperor Tamarin
8. Honeypot Ants
7. Alpaca
6. 3 Toed Sloth
5. Saki (monkey species)
4. Pangolin
3. Armadillo
2. Capybara
1. Pygmy Golden Marmoset

Tommy Blogg CriticTalk: R.E.M. - Accelerate

I may not be the best critic persay, because you know immediately whether I like an album (or movie or book, etc.) but even though I might be biased in my liking of R.E.M., I got their latest album, Accelerate, this weekend.

Accelerate does not attempt to hide what it really is;
a fast-paced rock record.
R.E.M. has always been a rock band by definition, and I think that that point is made clear with their most-televised single, "Supernatural Superserious", which re-introduces you to these rock lovelies, with their first album since "Around The Sun" which was released in 2004. With a career spanning almost 3 decades, R.E.M. has managed to keep their rock ethic at the forefront of what they were doing. From a small Athens indie band, to the poster children for what music really is meant to be, these guys have been at the top of their game for quite some time now. Even with the lack of drummer Bill Berry, who had to quit the band after some severe health issues (after 17 YEARS!), REM has managed to make this uptempo alternative record a major occurence. Even though "Around the Sun" managed to make a small "murmur" (It's a REM pun :P) on what I like to call the "Tommy Jam Scale", which is scored from 0.5-10.0 (1/2 - 10) which counts every 1/2 number as well as whole numbers, Here is how The Tommy Blogg CriticTalk Rating System works;

You will have the 1-5 Tommys, and their rating on the TJS Tommy Jam Scale. Now let's see how R.E.M. - Accelerate sized up;

ugh...

You know, I'm all FOR crazy stupid people flinging their boobs at each other and stuff, but does anyone think 'Springer is getting even more FAKE then it was? Like I walked in to watch the TV I have in the bathroom, and I realized just HOW fake it was. And if I wanted to watch "My Kissin' Cousin is a Racist Clergymen Transvestite Who Owns My Half-Simian Step-Uncle and My Masked Wrestler Brother Sexually Assaulted a Clown With a Toaster After He Fell In Love With A Rake and Dry Humped An Elvis Impersonator With Cancer And Stalked Lou Dobbs With A Pitbull At The DMV" then I'd leave it to the imagination. It is really weird.

Minute Correction

I thought I only liked a few kinds of Glaceau Vitaminwater, but even though I love formula 50, which not only has that tangy delicious grape tang, but it has all the nutrients to keep me satisfied for hours on end. And it is also endorsed by rapper 50 Cent, or as I refer to him, my home boy. But, you all know Glaceau has not officially decided whether to sponsor the blog, so all of this is just a personal endorsement and in no way is a legal sponsorship of the product, just a testimony to it's taste and jolt of spontaneous energy, with enough flavors to satisfy even the MOST finicky drinker. These include but are not limited to;

Power-C - Dragonfruit - (Vitamin C + Taurine)

Energy - Tropical Citrus - (Vitamin B + Guarana)

Revive - Fruit Punch - (Vitamin B + Potassium)

Multi-V - Lemonade - ("Vitamin A to Zinc")

Focus - Kiwifruit-Strawberry - (Vitamin A + Lutein)

Essential - Orange-Orange - (Vitamin C + Calcium)

Formula 50 - Grape - (50% Daily Dose of Vitamins)

Defense - Raspberry-Apple - (Vitamin C + Zinc)

Rescue - Green Tea - (Vitamin C + EGCG)

Endurance - Peach-Mango - (Vitamin E + Ribose)

Vital-T - Lemon Tea - (Vitamin C + Vitamin E)

Balance - Cran-Grapefruit - (Vitamin C + Glucosamine)

B-Relaxed - Jackfruit-Guava - (Vitamin B + Theanine)

Charge - Lemon-Lime + (Vitamin B + Electrolytes)

XXX - Acai-Blueberry-Pomegranate - (Triple Antioxidants)


And once again, Glaceau has not sponsored us, so I just LOVE Vitamin Water.

The Tommy Blogg Talkbox Interviews: Naima Mora from America's Next Top Model

Recenly I caught up with ANOTHER beautiful model from America's Next Top Model,
Naima Mora, whose individuality and unique look propelled her to the top.
She is also the singer of the band Chewing Picks, so here it is, our interview.

Q: EVERYBODY knows you from America's Next Top Model. What modeling did you do before the show?

A:i was just working hard to make test shoots with Friends like make up artists and photografers... nothing too big.

Q: The judges loved how individual and unique you look. Do you think that if you fit the normal Barbie doll look, that you would have made it to the top of the show?

A:The way i look is part of who i am and makes my character. its my culture and reflection of what that means to grow up bi-racial in america. and the show celebrates differences and being able to have models that can relate to all people. But i think i made it to the top because of my persona, which is indirectly influenced partially by my ethnic back gorund.

Q: Who did you like and dislike the most in the house?

A:hahahahaaa, wouldn't you like to know? i didn't dislike any one. I don't judge people, i try to understand them and empathize, thats why i didn't get into drama with other models. K-len did become a good friend of mine and still is.

Q: What's next in line for you? More TV, music, or what?

A:CHEWING PICS : the rock band that i sing for.... its an amazing journey, and i had not expected that i would become a singer in my lifetime.... but it fell on me and i had to take it because i realize that i love it and take it very seriously. www. myspace. com/chewingpics We just release our first EP "TARANTULA" that is available on the page as well. But Maybe some movies in the future too... maybe

Q: What do you consider your self in politics, Republican or Democrat?

A: oooooooo! thats touchy! haha not really, "Humanist"

Q: If you were president, what is the first thing you would do with all that power?

A:Promote public educational funding and compassion. Global awareness and green peace

Q: Where do you see your self in 10 years?

A: happy... but i'm happy now too, so probably more mature, touring with my band mostly... cause modeling at that point is a little off... i'll be 34! HA

Q: What are your super powers?

A: Compassion

Q: What is your weakness?

A: Vanity

Q: Paper or plastic?

A: hmmmm... plastic, being that it be recyled properly. Stop waisting the earths Natural resources by cutting more trees.... or even better, digital! that saves everything.

Q: If you were an animal, what would you be specifically?

A: a dodo bird.... or chinese crested dog. hmmm thats a tough one.

Q: Is there anything you have to say to my league of readers here on "The Tommy Blogg
Talk Box"?

A: Just thanks for keeping interest in my career. Thanks for supporting me.... Rock out. Live Living, not Dieing... not meaning recklessly- we all have the potential to fulfill ourselves/lives/hearts completely if we stay honest and work hard. The universe ensures that you're happy, but we have the ultimate deciscion.

Q: I hope to get a follow-up with you and now consider you my friend? Do I reserve the right to call you a "famous friend" among the other celebritites who have been here on "TBTB"?

A: Of course!!!

The Tommy Blogg Talkbox Interviews: Cassandra Whitehead

Now if you aren't Amish, you know of the CW/MTV reality modeling show "America's Next Top Model", a show made by supermodel Tyra Banks. And If you watched Season 5 (and realy, who didn't?) you will remember a girl named Cassandra. Cassandra was the cute and edgy girl who recieved a Mia Farrow-esque buzz, and she moved on. And then, on her very next photo shoot, Tyra was unhappy with the cut because she wanted it to be SHORTER. When the producers told her she had one night to decide whether not she wanted to go with the deeper trim, she ultimately decided not to, and was the first ANTM contestantette to voluntarily leave the show. I caught up with Cassandra, and this is what I got.

Q: EVERYBODY knows you from the 5th cycle of America's Next Top Model. You were a pageant girl and a model girl before. What was similiar and different about ANTM than other competitions?

A: Similarities would be competition among other girls and the need to be "on" all the time. Differences- well anyone who has crossed over can tell you that pageants and modeling are ery different, and there's actually somewhat of a rivalry between the two.

Q: Even though you quit the competition for obvious reasons, how much do you think you owe to ANTM professionally?

A: "Obvious" reasons is a little bit of a false pretense- what didn't air was my meeting with the producers. However I won't get into that. I don't owe them anything, nor do they owe me! I'm on amicable terms with most of those involved with the show.

Q: Who did you like and dislike the most in the house?

A:Like: Kyle.
Dislike: Ebony.

Q: What's next in line for you? More TV, music, or what?

A: I'm focusing on acting and have been doing quite well at that. I've worked on CSI, Las Vegas, Fast and Furious 4, Pushing Daisies, and many other projects.

Q: What do you consider your self in politics, Republican or Democrat?

A: Definitely Republican. Although I'm a big supporter of Ron Paul, who is more of a libertatian, even though he's running on the republican ticket.

Q: If you were president, what is the first thing you would do with all that power?

A: Handle illegal immigration. It is a growing problem that is adversely affecting our economy and needs to be addressed and fixed as soon as possible. I'm all about immigration for the betterment of one's self or family, but do it the right way and contribute back to the country you are taking from.

Q: Where do you see your self in 10 years?

A: If I knew that, I'd be making money as a psychic!

Q: What are your super powers?

A: Oh I have many, and if I revealed those to you, I'd have to kill you.

Q: What is your weakness?

A: Chocolate Chip pecan cookies

Q: Paper or plastic?

A: Paper.

Q: If you were an animal, what would you be specifically?

A: A white tiger.

I also informed her that if she was single, there was some of me in her future.
She was unresponsive. :) - Thanks For Reading, Reading Readers - Tommy

The Official Steven Seagal Facts List

I Did a Steven Seagal version of the Chuck Norris Facts List. It is awesome, and all from me.

The Official Steven Seagal Facts List

1
Steven Seagal can impregnate women telepathically

2
There are 2 kinds of people in this world; Steven Seagal and those begging not to be killed by Steven Seagal

3
A stitch in time saves nine, but then Steven Seagal kills ten, to even it out

4
Steven Seagal's trees are in the seeds of tomorrow

5
An apple a day can keep the doctor away, but an entire orchard cant protect you from the wrath of Steven Seagal

6
And the apple will fall far from the tree if Steven Seagal is under that tree

7
There were 8 dwarves until one messed with Steven Seagal

8
Steven Seagal doesn't have to participate in Daylight Savings
In a false state of security, the sun turns back, then springs forward when pounced on by Steven Seagal

9
Sliced bread is the best thing since Steven Seagal

10
It is impossible for Steven Seagal to bite off more than he can chew
His gullet expands when this happens

11
Steven Seagal wasn't on the debate team in school
He was on the Agree With me Or I'll Shoot You In The Head team

12
When Steven Seagal gains any weight, he doesn't diet, he just kidnaps Tom Cruise, and forces him to use his gypsy magic to cure the accursed fat


13
What goes up, must face the wrath of Steven Seagal

14
Steven Seagal never learned about sex, because scared bees hid in the birds, killing them both

15
Steven Seagal has a trailer at the bottom of a bottomless pit, which he dug by hand

16
Steven Seagal is busier than a bee
Deal with it

17
You can't tell Steven Seagal's ass from a hole in the ground
That's because he has permanently blind you

18
Steven Seagal can make cat's moo

19
The only chips off the old block are those chipped by the fist of Steven Seagal

20
Steven Seagal can compare apples to mangos

21
The dead of winter was alive when Steven got there

22
Steven Seagal can freeze air

23
Steven Seagal,
24
Steven Seagal doesn't count his eggs before they hatch; He counts them before the hen lays them

25
Steven Seagal can put all his eggs in one basket
After he kills you and takes your basket

26
Steven Seagal doesn't make a mountain out of a molehill; the moles are in hiding, so there are no molehills

27
Steven Seagal not only looks a gift horse in the mouth, but he pulls out it's tongue and feeds it to lesser horses

28
Don't put the cart before the horse, and never let that cart get in the path of Steven Seagal

29
Clint's bowel movements are equivalent to their weight in gold

30
Every dog has it's day, unless BEFORE that day it crosses the path of an angry Steven Seagal

31
Not only can he burn a candle at both ends, he can do so with laser vision

32
You either sink or swim
That is, unless you are Steven Seagal, in which case water only forms where it feels safe

33
The grass is greener wherever the hell Steven Seagal wants it to be

34
Steven Seagal eats anyone who approaches him with a pamphlet

35
Steven Seagal retired at age 12

36
Steven Seagal can use a Barnes and Noble gift card at Borders

37
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man succeptible to the attack from Steven Seagal

38
Steven Seagal makes Chuck Norris look like a girl scout
A GIRLY girl scout that sucks her thumb and plays with My Little Pony

39
Steven Seagal's stream of urine has been clocked at 46 miles per hour

40
Knowledge is power
And power is Steven Seagal

41
Rome wasn't built in a day
That's because for 6 days, the people hired to build Rome were hiding from Steven Seagalin a hole, eating bugs and defecating in a jar

42
All pennies produced since Steven Seagal's birth have been blank, because Abraham Lincoln is hiding from Steven Seagal

43
All work and no play makes Johnny lucky that he hasn't been killed by Steven Seagal

44
Love is blind
And after an unlucky encounter with Steven Seagal, it is now deaf and mute

45
Steven Seagalcan tango by himself

46
Sticks and stones will break your bones, but not as many bones as a punch from Steven Seagal

47
Words can cut you like a knife, and Steven Seagal's words can shoot you in the face

48
Fighting solves everything if done by Steven Seagal

49
You only live once
Unless you are Steven Seagal, in which case you are immortal
Sadly, noone but Steven Seagal is Steven Seagal, so you will all die
And probably soon

50
Two things are constant in this world; Steven Seagal and taxes

51
Steven Seagal can scare a cat to death 10 times

52
Curiosity didn't kill the cat; It just distracted it from it's impending doom at the hands of Steven Seagal

53
There is more than one way to skin a cat; but the most effective is to put it in the path of Steven Seagal, where it's fear would scare it's flesh off it's body

54
It is impossible to determine which came first between the chicken and the egg, because the first chicken was scared back into it's egg by Steven Seagal

55
Absence makes the heart grow fonder; unless Steven Seagal has already removed yours

56
Actions speak louder than words, and Steven Seagal is made up of 70% action

57
All for one, and one for Steven Seagal

58
Steven Seagal chose Coke in the Pepsi challenge, and Pepsi killed itself

59
Steven Seagal ate the apple of his eye

60
It's as plain as the nose on your face
Unless, of course, Steven Seagal hasn't already ripped it off your face

61
Steven Seagalthinks there are 14 in a baker's dozen
And he's RIGHT

62
Steven Seagalcan't bark up the wrong tree, because Steven Seagalis never wrong

63
Beauty is only skin deep
Unless your skin has been removed at the hands of Steven Seagal

64
Steven Seagal has a trademark on the phrase "Please Don't Kill Me
"
65
When playing Scrabble, Steven Seagal can use the letter X as many times as he wants

66
Steven Seagal can't go use a microwave, because his abs of steel would have an adverse affect

67
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Be good, or else Steven Seagal will rip OUT the beholder's eye, and everyone will be ugly

68
Steven Seagal doesn't have eyes in the back of his head; and he has eyes in the back of YOUR head

69
He was rated in deadliness from 1-10, and he scored an "Ahhhh! Why are you killing me?"
70
Steven Seagal keeps Spiro Agnew tied up in his basement

71
Steven Seagal eats evil
Low Sodium, preferrably

72
Steven Seagal makes silent "E" confess to whatever it is he is so silent about

73
Steven Seagal has large talons on his feet

74
Morgan Freeman is the undead puppet of Steven Seagal

75
Steven Seagal will beat a dead horse all he wants
Deal with it

76
Beggars CAN be choosers
If Steven Seagal is that beggar

77
A bird in the hand is worth two if he survives an onslaught from an enraged Steven Seagal

78
Birds of a feather flock together
And that flock is stupid for making the mistake of being a big target for Steven Seagal

79
Steven Seagal was born with a silver spoon in his mouth
Then, he dispatched his babysitter with said spoon

80
If sand gets in the crack of Steven Seagal's posterior, he shoots every grain indiviually until he finds the conspirators responsible for his rashed behind

81
Steven Seagal killed an entire fleet of Vietnamese troops with a Q-Tip and some mud

82
When someone instructs Steven Seagal to "talk to the hand", he straps that hand to a chair and interrogates the hand, eventually extracting the neccesary information

83
Whatever doesn't kill you makes you easier to kill for Steven Seagal

84
When he got his credit score checked, it came out as 721
Thus beating that annoying guy from the commercials that had a score of 720
HAH!!!
85
Steven Seagal eats diamonds for breakfast

86
When he doesn't get a free pen at a business, he burns it to the ground
Then writes an apology with a free pen he got from a previous appointment

87
Steven Seagal has a personal parking spot at the Museum of Awesome-Ocity

88
Steven Seagal has a chemical element named after him
It's abbreviation is PWNED

89
Steven Seagal doesn't DO courtesy flushes
He does MERCY flushes

90
Clintcan carry air
And crush you with it

91
Steven Seagal can destroy all annoying people
But first comes Glenn Beck and that douche lead singer of Blink 182

92
Charleton Heston is Steven Seagal's bitch

93
Steven Seagal didn't breastfeed
He drank Scotch from the bottle in the premature ward

94
Steven Seagal is so manly, he could have large breasts and STILL be manly

95
Steven Seagal fought off an onslaught of alien versions of Ernest Borgnine in 1984

96
Clintplayed Cassio in an Off-Broadway production of Othello
And stabbed Othello's wife Desdemonda

97
Steven Seagal invented pain

98
Steven Seagal uses the words "Nook", "Spritzer", and "Fabulous" and makes them manly

99
Steven Seagal was the one who interrogated Shakira's hips, eventually making them crack and admit their deviations, and yet still lying to the masses

100
Steven Seagal is watching you

101
How many Steven Seagals does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, because Steven Seagal can generate light by rubbing his hands together

102
Steven Seagal burns the midnight oil
Over your house

103
Steven Seagal calls the shots
And he calls them whatever he wants to call them

104
Steven Seagal can teach an old dog new tricks
Unfortunately, all of them are "play dead"

105
Steven Seagal can have his cake and eat yours too

106
Never judge a book by it's cover
Judge it by the likeliness that Steven Seagal would jump out of that book and kill you

107
You can't hold a candle to Steven Seagal
Because he can disarm the candle from you and set your hair on fire

108
Steven Seagal could find his way out of a paper sack

109
Steven Seagal has his own brand of bottled water, made from the tears of His Enemies
It's called " Aqua-Steven "
It's slogan is "If You Don't Drink My Water, I'll Rip Your Head Off"

110
Steven Seagal will cut off your nose to spite his face

111
Steven Seagal controls the mind of Glenn Beck. He FORCES him to say stupid things.

112
It's a dog eat dog world
Unless Steven Seagal eats your dog before it can eat another dog

113
Steven Seagal shot the sheriff AND he shot the deputy

114
Steven Seagal doesn't have bad hair days
He just has good scalp days

115
Don't rock the boat
Unless rocking the boat makes it go faster to avoid an untimely death at the hands of Steven Seagal

116
Steven Seagal is ALWAYS dressed to kill

117
The early bird gets the worm
Then Steven Seagal shoots that bird

118
A chain is as strong as it's weakest link
Because the weakest link is easy prey for Steven Seagal

119
Steven Seagal would give you the shirt off his back
Then he would kill you and take it back

120
Steven Seagal shot J.R., not J
R
's sister-in-law and mistress Kristin

121
Good things come to those who wait
But unfortunately, those who wait allow Steven Seagal to get within firing range

122
When Steven Seagal gets off on the wrong foot, he politely gets off the person's foot, and then shoots them in the face

123
Steven Seagal doesn't give 110%
He gives 109% and shoots the person immediately outranking him, causing 109% to become the status Quo

124
Steven Seagal could hit the NARROW side of a barn
Suck on that, Southerners!
125
He who laughs fast laughs last
He who laughs hysterically doesn't realize that Steven Seagal is right behind him

126
Steven Seagal heard it through the grapevine
If that grapevine was a wiretap he himself implanted

127
Home is where the heart is, and odds are Steven Seagal has already ripped out your heart, so your home is in Steven Seagal's basement freezer

128
A house divided against itself cannot stand
There isn't a Steven Seagal referrence here, but it is a good piece of advice

129
Steven Seagal could kill you with one hand tied behind your back

130
Steven Seagal wasn't born yesterday
Unless today is May 32, 1930

131
Steven Seagal is the walrus
Koo Koo Cachu

132
Steven Seagal doesn't trust you as far as he could throw you
Luckily, Steven Seagal wouldn't even waste his time to decide how far he could throw you

133
If wishes were Nazi's, Steven Seagal would have already shot your wishes

134
If you can't stand the heat, then confess what you've done and Steven Seagal will turn off this interrogetion lamp

135
I'll be a monkey's uncle
And Steven Seagal will be a monkey's grandpa

136
Steven Seagal is the pope

137
Steven Seagal's bodily composition is made up of 70% action, 30% testosterone, 40% pain, and 1% butterscotch ripple
141% of whoop ass

138
A wolf is Steven Seagal in sheeps clothing

139
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye
Then, it's obvious Steven Seagal found out about old one-eye's cheating

140
It's not over until Steven Seagal says it's over

141
Steven Seagal is a licensed optometrist.
142
There's no use crying over spilt milk
Unless that milk jug was Steven Seagal's home
Now that you screwed up Steven Seagal's home, now you must pay

143
It's better than a sharp stick in the eye
At least that stick wasn't being wielded by Steven Seagal

144
Steven Seagal is a jack of all trades and a master of every single ONE

145
Steven Seagal actually uses the F10 key on his keyboard

146
Steven Seagal's phone number is 1-800 IFYOUCALLTHISNUMBERIMGONNAKICKYOURASS, OR.... 4 3 9 - 8 2 2 5 5 8 4 4 7 6 8 6 2 3 7 4 6 4 - 6 6 2 5 4 2 5 9 - 8 7 2 7 7

147
Steven Seagal knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop

148
If you breath around Steven Seagal, he will retrieve a plunger and take his air back

149
Steven Seagal can turn stone into enots.
150
Steven Seagal is the subject of at least 150 facts. Thanks for reading, Reader.

Please don't re-use any of these. Please pass it on, but this is all my stuff. I love my readers, but plagarists get to face the wrath of Steven Seagal. And a legal professional.

What's Up?

This Arrow ^
Good-Day!

The ? Factor

I when i am told "Guess What?" I naturally say "What?" but today I contested the urge, and actually tryed to guess WHAT. So Here is a transcript of the conversation.
Jaime Frahm: hihi
Jaime Frahm: guess wat
tj null: what?
Jaime Frahm: h/on
Jaime Frahm: brb
tj null: bananas are now considered a vegetable?
tj null: Kim Il Sung is back from the dead?
tj null: Sweat socks are a form of currency in the Middle East?
tj null: Jesus was blue?
tj null: Checker was a favorite game of Napoleon Bonaparte?
tj null: Monkeys are sheep in wolves clothing?
Jaime Frahm: lmao
Jaime Frahm: im back
Jaime Frahm: and no none of those
tj null: Kyrgistan isn't really a country
tj null: ?
tj null: and Violet isn't a color?
Jaime Frahm: violet is a color
Jaime Frahm: lol
tj null: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Jaime Frahm: lol
tj null: or...
tj null: Fidel Castro sold his soul to the devil to gain immortality
tj null: ?
Jaime Frahm: nooooooo
tj null: Jimmy was a race car driver?
Jaime Frahm: no
tj null: the trumpet can be used to cure cancer?
tj null: Peanut butter was a number???
Jaime Frahm: no
tj null: THEN WHAT WOMAN???????
Jaime Frahm: i told u
Jaime Frahm: but....
Jaime Frahm: im goin to chicago!!
Jaime Frahm: woo
tj null: i thought it was the banana
tj null: darn
Jaime Frahm: lol
tj null: coolio
Jaime Frahm: totally
tj null: are you sure violet is a color?
tj null: lmao
Jaime Frahm: lol
Jaime Frahm: yes
Jaime Frahm: its a color
tj null: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
tj null: communist!
Jaime Frahm: lol

And the name "Frahm" was generated to protect the Iowan. Her last name will remain confidential.

Though It Seems Insignificant

You know, readers, I know some others get hundred-hundred-thousand views, but as an indie blogger, I am honored that since September of last year, I have entertained 768 people with my unique blend of fire roasted wisdom, smoky, rich humor, and salty-sweet insight, coming together to create a taste sensation in the blogging world. I mean here are some stats;

149 Posts

768 Page Views

$0.56 Earned on Google AdSense

9 Interviews.

Barack Obama: Watch the damn thing.

Brian Moore - Head of the Socialist party, and sexy beast.
He is an underdog in the 2008 election, but the "Big Dog" in his team.

Christina Amphlett, Lead singer of the Australian "one-hit Wonder" rock band, The Divinyls. You know the one. Don't be coy.

Paul Scheer - VH1's panelist and extremely funny actor. Member of the Upright Citizens Brigade, and co-creator and star of VH1's "Human Giant".

Kevin John - AKA Bonez, the lovable but stylish contest from season one of VH1's "I Love New York". Aside from that, he currently appears on some cool webtoon and has a comedy act both alone, and with his comedy group, the Afromedians.

George W. Bush - It was a fake interview, but HEY! It was damned funny on YouTube.

Greg Fitzsimmons - Former writer for the Ellen DeGeneres Show, Radio Show host on "Howard 100" as well as a frequent guest on Howard Stern and has a running stand-up act and a duo comedy act with Artie Lange. This 4-Time Daytime Emmy Award Winner has a long road ahead of him.

John R. Dilworth - Amazingly witty and funny director, and creator/director/producer of the awesome cartoon "Courage The Cowardly Dog" and is currently working on a show called "Island of Dumb Monkeys" and either HAS DONE or IS DOING a short entitled "Garlic Boy". We wish him the best, and he, as well as all the interviewees here, will always be a "Friend of The Blogg".

Claudia Gonson - Pianist, Vocalist, and occasional guitarist for a personal favorite cult indie pop rock band "The Magnetic Fields". A very smart lady, and an empowerment to LGBT people of all ages, everywhere. :)

And ME. Eat it with a spoon, America!